Remember my post “My 4yo says what?” This is nothing like that.
Back then my oldest son (The Bean) was a plethora of surprises and contradictions. But now that my boy is getting older (almost 5!) we are entering the world of sassiness and talking back. With intention.
Most things my preschooler says don’t phase me. There are statements he makes which I know are meant to get a rise out of me and so I don’t respond. You know those sayings: “You’re not being fair!” or “Daddy would let me” or “I don’t like you right now.”
BUT there are things which my preschooler says that he doesn’t realize just grate on me.
These are the things my son says that get under my skin:
1. “Wow, Mom. You really need to clean in here.”
Thanks, son. You know you could pick up the Swiffer. Truly, my self-esteem does not need my 5 yo pointing out my inadequacies in housekeeping.
2. General retching and gagging when I set food in front of him.
As though I served a hot pile of smoking, dead raccoon. Must we have all the histrionics at the table? Especially after I worked so hard to reheat that Bubba burger?
3. “(sigh) I am too tired to….”
Just stop right there, son. Don’t even finish that sentence. You got a blissful 12 hours of sleep last night. If anyone in this house is “too tired to” ANYTHING it would be me.
4. “I am bored.”
GAR FOR THE LOVE OF PETE. You have enough toys to keep an entire DAYCARE occupied. If you are so bored then I think that Santa and the Easter Bunny don’t need to swing by any more to bring you toys that bore you.
5. “I don’t want to sleep. YOU sleep.”
Oh my word, I would like nothing more than to do that. But unfortunately I can’t sleep until you do so please…go to sleep.
6. “I don’t have anything to wear.”
Ok, so let me get this straight: the $200 I spent at Old Navy to buy you shirts that fit and pants that didn’t have the holes in the knees were all a figment of my imagination? You mean that fit you threw in the store insisting that you needed the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Tshirt (even though you have never watched an episode) and I caved in and bought it because it was $7.99, was just a dream? Nice to know we have become The Emperor with his new clothes.
Parents of older kids: what other great phrases can I look forward to that will grate me?