Spring Break around here is great.  UNC students get out of dodge so us year-round “real folks” can do things, like park.  This is the time when the wonderful cast of characters you will find here really starts to pop out.  Like the walking dead they emerge from places you might not expect and they stay with you…always.  They, too, are gearing up for summer and hours spent walking the streets and pacing the lawn in front of Weaver Street Market.  And if you really want to get to know Carrboro, I encourage you to talk to them.  A place is its people, afterall.  In fact, why don’t I tell you about the Top 5 Carrboro Characters right now.  Then over your spring break, while the stadium lights are dim and lecture halls quiet, you can interview them and learn more about who we are in this town called the Paris of the Piedmont.

Now while I haven’t had enough liquid courage to actually talk to any of these lovely people myself my husband and I are infatuated with all of them.  Who are they?  What are their stories?  What is their message?  What do they add to our town?  They have become a part of our social fabric and I love each one of them. 
So here are my top 5 Spring Break interviews recommended for you:

1.  Crazy Stretching Lady
This is the Carrboro character that John and I think of most vividly and fondly.  She wears a bees’ bonnet, quick dry shorts, a tshirt, and thick work gloves that come up to her elbow.  She usually has on work boots as well.  She is thin, wiry, strong, and underneath her netted face cover you can tell that she has a scowl.  She is not pleased with the world for some reason.  Yet every day she takes her dog for a walk (and if owners and their dogs look alike know that she walks a pitbull mutt who looks like he will tear your neck out and saunter over to his babe of a poodle girlfriend and brag about it) for a walk.  She is dedicated to this pooch.

But despite the incredibly creative outfit selection for her daily consitutional, what really makes Crazy Stretching Lady memorable is, well, her stretching.  On the side of the main drag, the road that all drive on through town, she props her ankle up on a tree, way above her head, crotch side to street, and engages in her stretching.  We can not imagine what strenuous activity requires her to immediately neglect all sense of propriety and stretch so avidly right then and there, but she does it and you can’t look away.  We don’t think she has a favorite tree to use but, again, we’ve never asked her.  Yet she is so consistent that we don’t feel like we’re home from a road trip until we can say simultaneously to each other “aaaawww, there’s Crazy Stretching Lady – we’re home.”  So during your spring break, please ask Crazy Stretching Lady: 1) what makes her so frustrated with the world; 2) if she has a favorite tree; 3) what her dog’s name is; and 4) where she got that hat.

2.  Crazy Uncle Whamo
(admittedly, the hubs and I were not the most creative when coming up with these names)

Crazy Uncle Whamo is a fair weather sort.  On hot summer days he comes out and stands on the Weaver Street Market lawn both on Thursday nights and Sunday mornings during the big family music events.  He has shoulder length brown hair and wears Bob Dylan-esque sunglasses made all the fairer by being mirrored.

Crazy Uncle Whamo is an athlete though.  Throughout his entire stay on the lawn he engages in Frisbee sport.  Yet not the kind you know and love (or hate).  He never throws the Frisbee to anyone else.  Instead he does one trick over and over and over and over again.  Standing straight up Crazy Uncle Whamo (“CUW”) spins the Frisbee on one finger.  Then, maintaining the spin, he rotates his arm underneath, bends forward so he is ass high and the Frisbee is spinning on his finger way up in the sky.  Then, still maintaining spin, he returns to standing.  This is made all the more glorious by his skin tight jean short cutoffs.  He does this move again, and again, and again.  Mesmerizing.  So your spring break assignment is to interview CUW and ask: 1) where he learned that move; 2) how many Lollapalooza concerts he has attended; 3) does he have multiple pairs of jorts or just 1 that he reuses; and 4) if he actually wants to throw the disc around.

3.  Dancing Man Bruce
This character is legitimately a Carrboro icon.  I can’t do him any more justice than this true to life Independent Weekly article here.  Let me share some quotes:

“I’ve had people ask me, ‘Why are you crying?’” he says, nudging a honeybee from the lip of a bottle of Vitaminwater. “And I tell them, ‘Because I saw a bird fly across the street.’”

“His dancing is unusual because when music is playing, Bruce moves not only to the beat but also to a universal pulse that only he can hear.”

“Most people in town know and love Bruce, but some don’t. They think he is trying to attract attention. They are offended by his expressive dancing. They cannot handle the force of his being, the intensity of his gaze.”

“When I got out of prison, I decided I was going to be the best person I could be,” he says. “It hasn’t been easy, but I’m not going to let the world take what I have. I’m going to continually love.”

Truly, this man is amazing and brings much joy (and dance) to our town.  Thus while you have time during your week of break you simply must read the article then go dance with Bruce on the Weaver Street Market lawn.  That is all I am asking.  And you will have the time of your life.

4.  Bozo on a Bike
The hubs and I use the term “Bozo” not in a slighting way but to honor a clown that made so many folks happy with a fantastic hairdo.  Yes, hairdo.  Our Carrboro Bozo has the most phenomenal hair.  Long, wiry, gray, it comes down to his shoulders.  He places a hat on his head and the hair explodes from underneath.  He then gets on his bike (we only ever see him riding a bike) so that the silvery mane catches all kinds of currents and makes you consider the properties of wind in a new way.  He wears socks with sandals and bikes his way around our roads. 

Again, we haven’t ever talked to him but we’re pretty sure if we did he would make us feel guilty for getting in the car and driving 1.5 miles instead of hopping on our bikes.  This spring break I am requesting you seek out Bozo and explain to him that the hubs and I really do care about the environment but we have 2 little kids and biking just isn’t easy for us so please don’t be mad at us and we recycle and try not to contribute to global warming…

5.  Ukrainian Braid Mom
This character is the closest the hubs and I have ever gotten to {local} celebrity.  John played against her in volleyball (she was on an all-Ukrainian team) and this past Christmas we spent over 20 minutes in the line right behind her to see Santa while she posed and reposed her twins at least 17 times to get the perfect Christmas photo.  And those 3 year old kids DID IT, without screaming, ripping Santa’s beard off, or trying to climb up the fake reindeer in the fake snow.

She is easy to spot.  She pushes her twins around town all the time in her double stroller (does she call it a pram?).  She is thin, very thin, but in a healthy European I-don’t-even-try-for-it way.  Her thick black hair is always braided and trails down the nape of her neck, over her right shoulder, and down her front.  She wears thick, tinted glasses.  She always has a smile for me even though I can’t be sure she recognizes me at all.  I appreciate that smile. 

During your spring break I would like for you to find her, buy her a coffee, and tell her that the Crazy Out of Control Mom of Two Young Boys says she is sorry if she gave you a mean look while waiting in the Santa line, that was all about COoCMoTYB having two young boys, not about you lovingly trying to get your beautiful children in the perfect pose to send a holiday postcard back to the Ukraine and relatives you haven’t seen for years and probably won’t see again soon.

Once you get through all of these interviews, coffee dates, and dancing specials, look me up.  Assuming your break isn’t over yet we’ll go for a drink at one of the new craft beer bars that went in, get fried pickles at the local “watering hole,” and take in some music at the nationally popular Cat’s Cradle.  But my guess is that you will be having way too much fun getting to know and discover these Carrboro citizens that your break will have long passed you by.  Enjoy the Paris of the Piedmont, friends!